Food at the Double H

Hurley is the main chef at the ranch but he has help from Milton. Hurley and Milton met when they were working at Starbucks. They both worked the early morning shift and were quick at the drive through. Hurley thinks of himself as the cat version of Mario Batali.

Hurley watches Food Network religiously as well as Master Chef. He hopes to someday go on either Master Chef or Chopped. Every once in awhile he tries out something fancy but the kittens don’t particularly enjoy the more complex dishes since their palates haven’t developed yet.

One time Hurley decided to make more healthy options and was met with some very critical feed back. He made grilled eggplant sandwiches and sweet potato fries. The kittens flung the eggplant at him and on the wall. Another time he made baked apples for dessert. They bounced those off his skull so now he tries to sneak healthier ingredients in by substituting them in the regular dishes the kittens have come to expect.

Hurley & Milton do the main work but they have helpers, once the Milkers get bigger they have the option to train with Hurley & Milton to learn how to cook. They start off learning how to use a knife and help with the prep work and gradually work their way up.

They provide a hot breakfast, a coffee cart and a hot lunch and sometimes a light snack in the afternoon. There’s also a fully stocked cantina for at night when they want snacks. Prior to the cantina there was an incident. Several kittens decided they wanted some Twinkies and chocolate milk so they drove a taxi to 7Eleven. None of them had their drivers license and they couldn’t see over the steering wheel, so two sat on the floor and worked the brakes and accelerator while one sat in the drivers seat on a couple of pillows and ‘drove’. They made it to 7Eleven but on the way home they plowed into some bushes on the side of the road. One of the kittens got confused and hit the gas when the ‘driver’ said to stop, it was very chaotic. The passengers were goofing around hitting each other and dropping food on the floor. After that Herbie and Harold decided it would be best to provide late night snacks for them to avoid a repeat.

Hurley prides himself on providing top notch food and has earned several awards. The food is mostly basic fare but he does make ritzier dishes for Mr Pennypacker, Herbie, Harold and the legal team. Sometimes Pete decides to have a grilled chicken Ceasar wrap instead of pigs in a blanket.

The coffee cart has donuts, pastries, coffee, hot chocolate and tea. Agnes Beasley enjoys a cup of Earl Gray tea with lemon. Mr Pennypacker enjoys an éclair and a cup of coffee with extra half and half. Lucky usually over indulges and has stomach problems before lunch. He often gets two apple fritters and a cup of hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. There is almost always food smudges on Lucky’s paperwork. Spike won’t let Lucky use his pens or pencils because his paws are always sticky. He has spilled hot chocolate on his keyboard at least 10 times so Pete got him one of those ridiculous water proof keyboards. Winston & Squirt love it when Lucky overeats and ‘poo’s out of his mouth. Sometimes he has rhea and doesn’t make it to the bathroom, he usually bursts into tears when that happens. Spike has spare clothes for Lucky in his desk drawer because he can’t stand being cooped up all day with Lucky when he has a code brown.

Herbie has a snack in the afternoon, he likes pickled herring or sardines and crackers. Hurley eats all day and it shows he’s a VERY husky cat. He gets insulted when they call him fat though. He claims to have a glandular problem and that he’s not fat, he’s bulky.

Every Friday is a half day, Herbie gives the crew the afternoon off. During the summer they have concerts and in the winter they have movie day. On movie day they pick two movies for the kittens and one for the adult cats. Hurley and Milton provide snacks such as popcorn and corndogs. The summer concerts are pretty good but they’re mostly B list bands. Lucky LOVES Smash Mouth so they have played several times. They had Neil Young a couple of times, Jethro Tull, and America. He would love Abba or Neil Diamond. As a special treat they got the Wiggles for the kittens.

Lucky & Spike

Spike is in charge of ordering supplies and helps Jack out with maintenance issues around the ranch. Lucky is Spike’s ‘assistant’. Lucky & Ernie worked for Spike at a local grocery store prior to the ranch. Back then Spike supervised the ‘shelf stockers’ at the grocery store and Lucky & Ernie worked for him.

Ernie was problematic for Spike because he was constantly ‘dropping’ bags of dry food and busting them open. Then he’d snack on them throughout the day because they were ruined. Much to his dismay Spike moved him to paper products. Lucky was just slow and he has trouble keeping count, he goofs around a lot and never got much done. He tries really hard but he just can’t focus.

These days he helps Spike out with stocking the supply shelves and signing supplies out. He has a fake credit card but he has no idea it’s fake. When he places an order the various vendors know to call Spike, Herbie or Harold to verify the order because Lucky places crazy orders. Before they realized it was a problem Lucky went to Home Depot with a list Spike made for him and bought all the wrong items and added several things that caught his eye that weren’t on the list.

Lucky has a small TV, desk and computer in the corner. When Squirt isn’t in school he comes in the shed to watch Hoda & Kathie Lee with Lucky. Part of Lucky’s problem is he’s always distracted by the TV or goofing off with his cell phone. They had to put him on an unlimited data plan because he sends pictures to Winston & Squirt and they call each other to burp and fart in the phone. He kept downloading viruses and spyware on his machine so Pete finally put a special firewall on his computer. He thinks those phishing emails from the Africa are real so Spike has finally convinced him to forward them to him so he can review them for authenticity. He likes to blast America, Neil Young and Abba when he’s working which drives Spike nuts.

Spike is very patient with Lucky which is surprising since Spike is such a crusty character. He was a chain smoker most of his life but Herbie & Harold recently got him to quit. He has that graveling smokers voice though and he’s a no nonsense, gruff character but he has a soft spot for Lucky. He just sighs and rolls his eyes when Lucky screws up. Usually Lucky confesses and bursts into tears. Lucky means well he just doesn’t have a lot of common sense.

One time he was supposed to order rain boots and galoshes for the kittens and various cats throughout the ranch. Spike gave him a specific order to enter but Lucky decided those sneakers that flash when you walk were much better than boring old rain boots. You should have seen the look on Spike’s face when they arrived! Lucky was beaming with pride then saw Spike’s restrained anger and burst into tears. These days Lucky unloads the orders and when cats come to the supply shed for items he signs them out and he tells Spike when they are low on stuff.

Spike helps Jack with repairs and projects around the ranch. Jack won't let him talk to Bessie because Spike would reduce her to tears. He can't understand why she can't control herself and he gets frustrated and hurts her feelings.

All Paws Meetings

From time to time Herbie calls an “All Paws Meeting” to talk about the ranch and discuss new rules or acquisitions. All Paws Meetings are never uneventful!

Mr Pennypacker is head of Accounting. He’s a very old school, refined cat. He wears a pinstriped suit to work every day and has a pocket watch on chain in his vest pocket. He’s not a fan of computers, he prefers paper and pencil. The Accounting Department consists of Mr Pennypacker, Mr Perkins and Agnes Beasley. Mr Perkins is young and fresh out of college but he’s a big accounting dork. He always has his nose in a book and gets really excited about numbers. Agnes Beasley is an older cat. She wears a cardigan sweater buttoned around her neck and looks over her glasses when she talks to the kittens. All in all the team is what you’d expect from a group of accountants.

At the last All Paws Meeting Mr Pennypacker was giving a PowerPoint on cost savings. He noticed the kittens are leaving lights on, they don’t shut the refrigerator doors all the way, they often have all the TV’s on but no one is watching, etc. He wanted to show them that by making a few small changes they could save the Double H thousands a year.

As he was giving his PowerPoint presentation he dropped the slide clicker. When he bent down to pick it up a relaxed fart shot out. He was mortified and said “oh my oh my! Pardon me! OH MY” which delighted the kittens. It took Herbie almost 5 minutes to get everyone to settle down again. They were sliding off their chairs and laughing, a few were in the middle of drinking their morning milk so they had milk shoot out their noses. It was total chaos for a few minutes. Poor Mr Pennypacker was so embarrassed. The kittens now like to say “Oh my oh my pardon me!” after they fart.

Bessie

Now it’s time to get to know some of the other animals that live and work at the Double H. Herbie and Harold are very kind hearted and won’t turn their backs on an animal in need. They also tolerate subpar work from some of the more challenged animals.

Bessie is a miniature cow that came with the ranch. Herbie tried to find out a little more about her background and history but came up empty. The other cows don’t associate much with her because she’s really annoying and not that smart. She and Ernie were inseparable, they stumbled around the ranch having adventures and playing games. I loved Ernie with all my heart but he wasn’t terribly smart, not stupid but he wasn’t that bright so I guess that’s why he and Bessie were such good friends.

She destroyed a couple of fences and turned tables over in the lunchroom when she received news of Ernie’s death. She ran around aimlessly ‘mooing’ and crying, finally Dr Katterstein had to sedate her. Herbie gave her one of Ernie’s old collars and she still wears it as a bracelet and Jack thinks she still secretly talks to Ernie.

Now that Ernie isn’t around to occupy her she is a bit of a nuisance. She’s very high maintenance and is perpetually anxious and agitated. Jack has to hide from her because she will follow him around and complain, whine and ask him question after question. Jack is very patient with her but she doesn’t ever shut up, she’ll ask a question and not pause long enough for Jack to answer. Example: “I’m on a diet because the kittens were laughing at me because I broke the bench. Why do you think I haven’t lost any weight?” Before Jack can answer she picks up again “It’s not my fault the bench was so flimsy. You need to make those benches stronger I could have been seriously hurt. What if I got hurt Jack? Do you think there are other dangers around the ranch? Do you regularly meet with Rodney to discuss my safety around here? If you don’t you need to start doing that I am different than the kittens and I require special accommodations….”

She wants so badly to fit in but she’s just so awkward and obtuse that she often doesn’t get the joke, which makes it even funnier for the kittens.

One time the kittens told her she couldn’t fit in a taxi. She was indignant, of COURSE she could..if she really wanted to. Ernie tried to talk her out of it but they eventually egged her into mashing herself into a taxi. The deal was she had to not only fit INSIDE but the door had to shut or it didn’t count. She got in, with the help of 10+ cats but when one of the kittens shut the door she accidentally put the taxi in drive. It rolled across the taxi yard, hit a telephone pole and landed in a ditch. The fire department had to be called and they had to use the Jaws of Life to cut her out. They ended up having to air lift her to the hospital to have her checked out because she was hysterical and swore up and down she was paralyzed. The kittens thought it was a riot and they were thrilled that the fireman let them play on the fire trucks and in the ambulance.

Herbie on the other hand wasn’t so happy, it cost him a fortune to have the telephone pole repaired and the Double H health insurance covered most of Bessie’s ‘injuries’. When Herbie finally arrived at the ranch the firemen asked him if there was anyone in charge to control the kittens. That’s when Herbie decided to hire kitten tenders.

Recently Bessie decided to go on a diet and asked Jack to be her personal trainer. Her first session didn’t go very well. He put her on the treadmill and coaxed her into brisk walking. After about 5 minutes it was too much for her and she flew off the back of the treadmill and hit the wall. Rodney walked in as this occurred and happily shared everything with kittens. He managed to whip out his cell phone and video it as it happened. She’s rather large so there is an outline of a cow in the dry wall in the gym area behind the treadmill. As she went off the back she yelled “JAAACKKK MOOOOOOOOO!” The kittens take great delight in saying that to each other now.

Yesterday morning the kittens put a giant whoopee cushion under her seat at the breakfast table. It scared her so much that she jumped up and knocked the table over and ran out of the building. She didn’t quite clear the door so she damaged some of the door frame. Jack is constantly fixing things she breaks due to her complete and total lack of body awareness. She panics and just runs out through a wall or window, she damages fences by just walking through them while she’s playing Words With Friends or texting. Lucky sends her little texts and pictures of his butt.

Why the Double H?

You’re thinking there’s only Herbie, so why ‘double’ H? That’s easy! In the very beginning Herbie’s first job was at Goodwill. He started off sorting clothes and shoes. He was very good at it and quickly got promoted to pricing and then finally he became a manager. Harold was hired a week after Herbie and the two became fast friends. Harold is just as smart as Herbie and also a hard worker. Harold was already pretty wealthy but he was bored at home so he decided to get a part time job. Harold got promoted to manager around the same time Herbie did. Herbie managed the clothing sorting and pricing and Harold managed the furniture area.

Herbie saved up all his money and with B’s help opened a brokerage account and made a killing on some stock options. He then parlayed that and shorted some stock. To celebrate Herbie and Harold went to Reno. Herbie won a huge poker jackpot in a smoky back room game. Herbie learned to play poker with B’s help and he’s quite good, other cats under estimate his skill.

Once they got back home Herbie realized he had a sizeable fortune burning a hole in his pocket. That’s when he and Harold decided to buy a diary ranch just outside of town. They didn’t like how the managers at Goodwill were treating some of the cats so they decided to hire them to milk the cows. That’s how the Double H Ranch came to be.

Herbie and Harold recruit kittens from the local shelter. They also take in pregnant mom cats and take care of them. The kittens start off as Milker I and work their way up. By the time they are 3 years old they should have worked their way up to a Milker Supervisor. Milker I and Milker II just milk the cows. Milker III actually transfers the buckets of milk into a bigger vat where it eventually gets pasteurized. Milker Supervisors walk around and make sure the Milker’s aren’t dipping their paws into the milk and no one is spilling any milk. Sometimes when the kittens are really little they get distracted and start goofing around. Someone has to keep them focused on milking the cows.

All the kittens live on the ranch in Kitten Chambers. They have bunk beds and window perches, cat trees and condo’s. They also have a giant media room with 3 LED TV’s and PS3, Wii and Xbox. There is an after hours Cantina for late night snacks, during the day Hurley & Milton cook up 3 hot meals, plus a snack cart comes around with donuts, hot chocolate, coffee, etc. There’s also a doctor on staff, Dr Katterstein. As you can imagine there are often minor accidents, skinned knees, etc. After the Olympics the kittens were ‘dismounting’ from their bunk beds like the gymnasts and a few missed the mark. One kitten knocked two of his baby teeth out and another one sprained his wrist.

Once they get to be about 3 years old they’ve mostly out grown living in the Kitten Chambers, it gets loud as one would imagine. All those little kittens racing around and wrestling, plus they have the TV blasting and someone is always playing Guitar Hero. There are small studio apartments available for ‘rent’ on the Double H property or if they prefer they can get a housing stipend voucher from Herbie. Some cats choose that because they want to ‘experience’ living on their own. They go in on an apartment together. Other cats decide they would prefer to live with a human so they go that route, they often find humans difficult to live with though after having all the freedom the Ranch offers. Herbie and Harold make sure all the creatures on the ranch are very well taken care of. Nothing enrages them more than an animal being mistreated and that’s why there is an elephant, goat, giant rat, raccoons and a pig that live and work on the ranch. The elephant, Leon escaped from the circus. The giant rat, Rodney came from Southern CA. He had a bit of a rocky start but he’s straightened up and is now head of safety at the ranch. Earl the pig is head of security, he wears a badge and has a belt with a flashlight and a candy bar. Earl means well but he’s not very good at security so Rodney picks up the slack. Billy, the goat was rescued from another farm where he was mistreated. He handles yard work and clean up around the ranch. Pete, the raccoon works in IT. He has to fix all the stuff Lucky breaks.

Over the years Herbie & Harold have branched out and diversified. There are multiple divisions within the Double H:

Taxi service -(this is primarily for cats because Humans are known to be bad tippers and are just plain rude). The drivers are all cats. Herbie prefers using hybrids for his taxi fleet. There is a crew of maintenance workers that clean the taxi’s and make sure they are in tip top shape. In addition to the drivers and the maintenance workers there is a dispatch office. Murphy runs the maintenance crew. He is a 20 pound orange cat with one eye, he grew up on the ranch and learned how to be a mechanic by working on tractors and farm equipment. Little Joe runs the dispatch office. Herbie met her when she was pregnant with 5 kittens. All of her kittens went to school and are in college, Herbie is paying for their college education.

**I have to take a time out here and explain Little Joe. She is a semi-feral cat that came to us pregnant. She had her kittens and brought them into the garage, one by one. I had no idea she hadn’t finished bringing them all in and I closed the garage door on her and the 4 she’d put in a cat bed. She went to the shelter to get her shots and have the kittens worked up. A few days later a lone kitten was found about 20 feet from our garage. Thankfully he survived but I was horrified, she was so upset when I trapped her. I thought it was just because I trapped but she KNEW she’d left one behind. We fostered her and all 5 kittens. Everyone got fixed, the kittens went up for adoption but she wasn’t having it so we brought her back here and she lives in the garage. She likes her freedom and she is good friends with George and Zoila. I’m pretty sure George is the one who knocked her up. He’s Siamese and the kitten that got left behind is also Siamese. Anyway, when she first showed up on our door step asking for food I thought she was a boy, hence the name Little Joe**

Yard work - Herbie uses the old cows that no longer produce milk for mowing services. The cows eat the grass and Billy, the goat handles the hedges and bushes. Gladys supervises the crew. She’s Bessie’s sister, I will get to Bessie later. Gladys makes sure the cows don’t stumble into the neighbor’s yard and that Billy doesn’t eat the side of the house.

Gold melting – You’ve seen those Cash4Gold commercials? That’s Herbie’s operation. Jack is in charge of melting, or ‘smelting’ as they call it on the ranch. When Ernie was alive he would throw bottle caps and other random crap he found into the vat in an effort to ‘help’ Jack. Recently Squirt & Winston were goofing around and they knocked over a pot of melted gold. Jack was FURIOUS.

Herbie and Harold recently decided to buy the chicken factory and turn it into an egg business. They’re in the process of creating an underground ‘chunnel’ to connect the factory to the ranch. The chickens will have to learn not to poop everywhere. Jack is building a big state of the art chicken coop for them. It’s not going to be your run of the mill chicken coop. Herbie and Harold don’t skimp, they like to think the Double H could rival the Google campus.

How it all started

To say that my husband and I are cat lovers is a huge understatement. We have fostered countless kittens and volunteer at the local shelter. I even worked at the shelter for a brief time. I feed some semi-feral cats and they live in our garage. They’re not truly feral anymore. They come when I call them and allow me to handle them. I had all of them spay/neutered, FIV tested, etc. I have a male Seal point Siamese, George. George has had several abscesses that required medical attention. He allowed me to drain them, clean them and give him antibiotics. Zoila is a male, black long haired cat that we thought was female for a very long time. So we often call Zoila ‘she’ out of habit. Little Joe is a female gray tabby. She got knocked up, had her kittens under a bush somewhere but eventually brought them to me. She dragged them one by one into the garage. I thought Little Joe was a male, hence the name Little Joe.

From the sounds of it you’d think we are an epic fail at fostering because we have 7 inside cats. That’s right, SEVEN. And I often look around and think “OMG we have LOST our minds”

Herbie was my cat when my husband and I met. My husband was not a cat lover to begin with. He had no experience with cats and assumed they were ignorant. Once he met Herbie and spent time with him, he realized cats are cool. Before we moved in together we adopted Lucky. Husband decided he wanted his OWN cat, so we got Luck. Lucky was 7 months old when we got him, technically a kitten but not SMALL. After a few months husband wanted a ‘tea cup’ kitten. Not the breed, but the size. He’d seen those cute pictures of kittens in a tea cup and started obsessing about adopting a tiny kitten. I eventually caved and we got Ernie.

Ernie is no longer with us, he had health problems. It’s hard for me to talk about Ernie because he was a very special cat and he and I formed a special bond. I was responsible for all of Ernie’s medical care and we went through a lot together. No matter what happened he seemed to always know that I was doing it to help him. He never complained in the car on the way to the vet. And after it was all said and done he’d curl up on my lap as if to say thank you. I can put my head on my pillow every night knowing I did EVERYTHING I could for him. When I knew he was getting sicker I would lay awake at night thinking about the dreaded day and if I had the strength to hold him when it was time. I knew I owed it to him and that it had to be me. It was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it was the right thing to do. We’re very fortunate that our vet is also a good friend. She loved Ernie as much as we did so when she told me it was time I knew we had exhausted all options. She always told me that if he had another owner he probably would have been euthanized.

We started fostering after we adopted Ernie and we did great. We fostered for a year before we got ‘stuck’ and ended up keeping two. We brought a mom and 4 kittens home. We took mom out of the carrier. Then we started shaking kittens out of the other carrier. Hurley was the last one out, before his little paws hit the floor husband said “OH MY GOD he’s a keeper” He was a softball. We laughed and laughed, I’ve never seen such a round kitten before. Hurley’s main focus in life is food. I have pictures of him as a kitten with wet food all over his head because he’d just mash his face into the bowl. Hurley’s brother Jack was the smallest kitten we’ve ever fostered. Everyone else was just under a pound, Hurley was 16 ounces. Jack was 8 ounces. If you think about that, he was the size of a small block of cheese. When you foster they warn you about “failure to thrive syndrome” and I was petrified Jack was going to be our first loss. I spent a lot of time making sure Jack ate since Hurley would eat his portion and then push everyone else out of the way. I fed Jack separately to make sure he got enough. He’s still small, he reminds me of a greyhound or a whippet. Jack and Hurley had two sisters who got adopted together. We were at the shelter cleaning and heard a woman asking about one of our last fosters. He had been adopted that day so she decided to look around. We of course jumped at the opportunity to match her with the girls. She was only interested in adopting one kitten but in the end she took them both. She kept in touch with me and sent me pictures and it’s obvious they have a wonderful home. Anyway, that left Jack all alone. I cried big crocodile tears over the thought of Jack living somewhere else. What if they let him out? What if he got hurt? We had already agreed to take Hurley and we had THREE other cats but I couldn’t let go of Jack. So we came up with an idea. We would let him go up for adoption on Saturday, if at the end of the day he was still there we’d take him. I was at the shelter right at 5, when adoptions ended. He was still there, I was SO relieved. The rest is history.

We had a few more litters and we got ‘stuck’ again. The reason we have Pippi is because she’s got a screw loose. She’s a tortie so that explains some of issues. Everyone got adopted but her. They tried to put her in a cage with another kitten so she wouldn’t be alone. She tormented that poor kitten and drove the staff crazy with all her growling and hissing and constant meowing. She liked us so the shelter manager at the time asked if we would just TAKE her if they caught her up on all her shots. Pippi is from a litter of 5, we had her mom for a bit too. Her mom was great, her siblings were all normal. If she hadn’t spent 98% of her life with us I’d think she had a rough upbringing. She just has a screw loose. I still remember sitting on the floor in the bathroom with her right after we brought the whole batch home. She was annoying and I told her she was the first ignorant kitten I’d ever met.

We call her Poopie because she dumps next to the box when she’s mad. Sometimes it’s because it’s not quite clean enough for her standards, but mostly it’s out of spite. People say cats don’t have complex thoughts like that, but trust me on this. Pippi absolutely craps next to the box on purpose. She growls when you pick her up and she’s moody, she kicks things off counters and bookshelves or our night stands. She used to torture Ernie and he never fought back. Now she’s getting karma pay back…Squirt & Winston gang up on her. I actually feel sorry for her sometimes.

After we adopted Poopie I started working at the shelter. About 2 weeks before I started someone dumped a kitten off at the front door in a cardboard box. That kitten had a broken leg, he sat in the cardboard box all night in the cold. He was sent to the vet and then to foster care so he could recover. His foster mom told me that he stuck his leg through the holes in the door of carrier and managed to pull his cast off. After Squirt’s leg healed he was moved up for adoption. The vet didn’t know if his leg would require surgery as he grew so his adoption profile included a disclaimer about his leg. He was in a cage almost directly in front of me so when I looked up from my computer screen I’d see his fat face staring at me. I heard people discuss him all day long and it was always the same thing ‘I don’t want to adopt a broken kitten’. My husband often came into the shelter after work so he spent a lot more time with Squirt than I did. He REALLY wanted him and the shelter manager knew it. One day the shelter manager told me to take Squirt home on a ‘long term foster’ and see how it went. Haha! We were worried about how he'd do with the stairs and if it was going to be a problem for him with his bad leg. I brought the carrier upstairs to show him where the litter boxes were and let him get acclimated. Right. I opened the carrier door and he was off, down the hall and to the stairs. We both ran after him. We got to the stairs just as he decided he was going downstairs. It was like a cartoon, he went ass over tea kettle and we could hear him trying to grab on to the carpet with his claws, unsuccessfully. We both stood at the top of the stairs absolutely stunned. He landed on all four feet at the bottom of the stairs, shook himself and ran off. It didn't faze him in the least.

You’re not supposed to have favorites. I’ve been around a lot of cats and kittens and I love all of our cats. BUT there is something special about Squirt. Ernie and I were close, Herbie was the first cat I ever adopted, I spoon fed Jack to make sure he gained weight and yet there is something unique about Squirt. When I talk to him, he looks me in the eye and I realize how it sounds when I say that he understands me. But I swear he understands me and listens to me. Even my husband agrees there is a certain human like quality to Squirt's face.

He follows me around like a dog and if I call him he comes running. He sits on the counter in the bathroom when I brush my teeth and wash my face at night and in the morning he watches me put my makeup on. He sits on my towel when I shower. He follows me to the door when I leave for work in the morning. I come home for lunch and he greets me at the door and has lunch with me. When he’s sick he sleeps next to me and spoons me. When I’m sick he lays by my feet, he’s my special boy. If Squirt was a human his teachers would say he’s impulsive and can’t keep his hands to himself. Squirt races around and is very busy. He goes from one thing to another like a tornado.

After Ernie died B started saying we needed another ‘orange boy’. I rolled my eyes at first, but then one day when I was working a lady brought in a litter of orange kittens. There were five of them, three were girls. The two males were blind in one eye. I knew when I saw them that one would be coming home with us. I told B to come by and meet them that afternoon. They went to foster care and after they came back to the shelter we took one. I’ll be honest, I didn’t take to Winston right away. It felt like I was cheating on Ernie. I had surgery shortly after Winnie came to live with us. He wormed his way into my heart when we were sitting around watching the Today Show. He’s not the smartest cat and he’s very nervous but he’s very sweet and very handsome.

Ok, so now that I’ve set the table I will explain the premise of the Double H Ranch. Back when we had Herbie, Lucky & Ernie I thought it would be cute to send my husband an email from the cats. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I have a vivid imagination but the whole thing quickly grew from just a few emails to stories about the cats. They got jobs, bought cars and had adventures. Eventually Herbie was able to buy a diary ranch just outside of town and he now employs hundreds of local cats. In addition he has the cows, a raccoon, a pig, an elephant, a goat and various other creatures that all perform various tasks at the ranch.

Over time the stories and adventures became more and more elaborate and I started telling some of our friends. They LOVE my stories and have urged me to write them down, either in the form of children’s books or at the very least in a blog form. I think it’s pretty tough to publish children’s books and I’m not much of a writer so I opted to go the blog route. This blog is about the adventures and daily happenings at the Double H Ranch. Please note that I’m not crazy, I’m just able to see their various personalities and what they’d be like IF they were human. So take them for what they are, light-hearted stories about cats and other creatures…ENJOY!