Bessie is a miniature cow that came with the ranch. Herbie tried to find out a little more about her background and history but came up empty. The other cows don’t associate much with her because she’s really annoying and not that smart. She and Ernie were inseparable, they stumbled around the ranch having adventures and playing games. I loved Ernie with all my heart but he wasn’t terribly smart, not stupid but he wasn’t that bright so I guess that’s why he and Bessie were such good friends.
She destroyed a couple of fences and turned tables over in the lunchroom when she received news of Ernie’s death. She ran around aimlessly ‘mooing’ and crying, finally Dr Katterstein had to sedate her. Herbie gave her one of Ernie’s old collars and she still wears it as a bracelet and Jack thinks she still secretly talks to Ernie.
Now that Ernie isn’t around to occupy her she is a bit of a nuisance. She’s very high maintenance and is perpetually anxious and agitated. Jack has to hide from her because she will follow him around and complain, whine and ask him question after question. Jack is very patient with her but she doesn’t ever shut up, she’ll ask a question and not pause long enough for Jack to answer. Example: “I’m on a diet because the kittens were laughing at me because I broke the bench. Why do you think I haven’t lost any weight?” Before Jack can answer she picks up again “It’s not my fault the bench was so flimsy. You need to make those benches stronger I could have been seriously hurt. What if I got hurt Jack? Do you think there are other dangers around the ranch? Do you regularly meet with Rodney to discuss my safety around here? If you don’t you need to start doing that I am different than the kittens and I require special accommodations….”
She wants so badly to fit in but she’s just so awkward and obtuse that she often doesn’t get the joke, which makes it even funnier for the kittens.
One time the kittens told her she couldn’t fit in a taxi. She was indignant, of COURSE she could..if she really wanted to. Ernie tried to talk her out of it but they eventually egged her into mashing herself into a taxi. The deal was she had to not only fit INSIDE but the door had to shut or it didn’t count. She got in, with the help of 10+ cats but when one of the kittens shut the door she accidentally put the taxi in drive. It rolled across the taxi yard, hit a telephone pole and landed in a ditch. The fire department had to be called and they had to use the Jaws of Life to cut her out. They ended up having to air lift her to the hospital to have her checked out because she was hysterical and swore up and down she was paralyzed. The kittens thought it was a riot and they were thrilled that the fireman let them play on the fire trucks and in the ambulance.
Herbie on the other hand wasn’t so happy, it cost him a fortune to have the telephone pole repaired and the Double H health insurance covered most of Bessie’s ‘injuries’. When Herbie finally arrived at the ranch the firemen asked him if there was anyone in charge to control the kittens. That’s when Herbie decided to hire kitten tenders.
Recently Bessie decided to go on a diet and asked Jack to be her personal trainer. Her first session didn’t go very well. He put her on the treadmill and coaxed her into brisk walking. After about 5 minutes it was too much for her and she flew off the back of the treadmill and hit the wall. Rodney walked in as this occurred and happily shared everything with kittens. He managed to whip out his cell phone and video it as it happened. She’s rather large so there is an outline of a cow in the dry wall in the gym area behind the treadmill. As she went off the back she yelled “JAAACKKK MOOOOOOOOO!” The kittens take great delight in saying that to each other now.
Yesterday morning the kittens put a giant whoopee cushion under her seat at the breakfast table. It scared her so much that she jumped up and knocked the table over and ran out of the building. She didn’t quite clear the door so she damaged some of the door frame. Jack is constantly fixing things she breaks due to her complete and total lack of body awareness. She panics and just runs out through a wall or window, she damages fences by just walking through them while she’s playing Words With Friends or texting. Lucky sends her little texts and pictures of his butt.
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